My hopeful last step to becoming a Golden Bear :)

My friends are the people who have known me so long, they like me for me, and I appreciate them for their qualities. I would describe my friends as people I love. My friends describe me as someone who has grown a lot within the past year. I do not shy away by never taking chances. My friends think I’m confident; I would like to say I agree with this entirely but I know it’s not completely true. I have become self-assured now, but I wasn’t always. My friends do not see that my confidence is grounded in a fair amount of insecurity. However, I am aware of my insecurities-I don’t ignore them; therefore I know I’m strong enough to overcome them. Even though they will always be there to nag me from time to time, I don’t let them bring me down.

My confidence is something I will always have to work on. I will always be battling different insecurities such as physical appearance or the hesitation to try something new. However these are certain human qualities I know I can never deny or hide because they're the truth. I understand now that people see me as someone who’s confident because I accept and address my flaws. Human flaws beget human experience, for in order to learn-we have to accept that fact that we will make mistakes. With that, I feel like there’s strength in knowing my weakness. That knowledge allows me to work harder to accomplish my goals, and through that I become more and more confident in all the things I do.

My friends also think I’m focused, relentless, that I underestimate myself, but am uniquely driven by passion. I do agree with this because I think these traits make up a large part of who I am. I’m always persevering to accomplish things in my life. It is true to an extent that I underestimate myself because I know I judge myself to a higher degree of standard than anyone else-only because I want to give and do my best.

Although I am often frustrated by the fact that I cannot please everyone, I'm strong enough to admit that and it drives me to work hard. I care about the people and things in my life, and when I do something, I do it with my heart - passion is my fuel. The simple fact that I care and want to make a difference has instilled in me the will to never give up on anything I set out to do. I know I have a lot to give, a lot of love to share, influence to spread, and knowledge to gain. Over time, as I continue to work on my confidence, I know that my passion for life will lead me to great lengths.

i want to feel loved

..maybe even appreciated more. Do you ever feel like you try and say something but its not coming through? Because i hate that i hate it so much. Sometimes i just wish i got a little more consideration, just a little.. not even asking for half of the consideration i used to get.

Is this really me, or is this another one of those oh so fun mood side effects >.< ..probably is actually. But all i know is that i feel like i'm doing more than whats simply expected. I can barely stand this, its not fair, and i'm not happy right now kind of more in tears and im losing faith in things i used to believe in. I dont make sense, but at least i can pour some of my thoughts out on here.

I also hate my chubby cheeks right now. really really bad.
k i'm dont venting a bit.

I dont feel so great

How come and why does one little thing have the ability to change everything. you get sick once, and then BAM! sparks one thing and then the next. and even now, its not all over =/
what happened to the girl who used to live at the theatre
what happened to the girl who never had to worry about being allergic to stupid makeup product

i really dont know where i'm going in life.
but i know what i want. what i want is to experience things, see things, feel things. I want to go back and see the past through architecture and art, i want to go back to Europe. i want to spend a whole summer in France and Italy.
I want to dare to jump from a helicopter and straight into the clear Caribbean sea.
I know what it feels like to be in love for the first time.
I want to be someone in life. I have a life list still waiting to be shared and finished, just need to make sure i've got someone who's going to be up for the ride.

some words of wisdom

"Love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking together in the same direction." Antoine de Saint-Exupery

maybe two is better than one

Maybe i don't say all the right things maybe i stumble on my words maybe i laugh at all the wrong times. Best I can do is to be myself and hope you'll always love me for me.

good modern classic movie:

Clueless. Okay okay don't even bring up any stereotypes and attach them to people who may enjoy a movie like this. I don't look at those things, even though the movie i will admit-was full of it. It literally made me LOL thats kind of rare these days for me and movies haha. I sometimes can smile and such but not full out laugh =)
Thats what i like about movies in general, the good ones-well they can change your mood, make you feel good about the world, yourself, what you have, feel inspired with life, inspired with things you can do to help others.. they can give you a glimpse of.. history (with a hollywood twist) or they can scare you, make you sit on the edge of your seat. ..most importantly though, movies take you into their reality, and make you forget about your own for those little 2 hours. Thats why i enjoy them, especially the ones that are most convincing--> a good cast that doesn't make me question the actor(s)/actress(s).. i can just accept them as their own characters, because they do it so well. Anyways i should be sleeping, but i do love movies. Especially ones that make you feel good =)

its getting closer and closer!!

My notebook has finally filled up! ... and believe it or not-with math notes! I'm currently near the end of chapter 9, 9 out of 11 chapters of the book. I reallyyyyy need a lot of good lucks to pass my placement test next week!! That test pretty much determines the rest of my life.. by that, it determines my chances of getting to Berkeley. That for me right now... pretty much is my future, and i really want to get into that school so bad... just because i feel like if i can accomplish something like that, then everything i've done was worth it. Of course i will never ever regret transferring home from UCI but i had worked my entire high school career to get into a good college that'll get me somewhere in life. Now i feel like i'm doing it again. This time around though, i've realized the reality of things, that yes passion is a great thing to pursue but maybe not for a career, unless for me i have an uncle somewhere out there thats best friends with Nicole Kidman or James Cameron-the director of awesome movies like Titanic. I sadly don't have an uncle like that, so reality set in. This time around with Berkeley, i'm not going in for drama but for business... i know i can feel confident about getting a job with a degree from Berkeley, and i know i'll definitely learn everything i'd need to be successful on their terms, and of course-my own. So come on fate!! Help me become a golden bear!! <3

some words of wisdom

"There is only a certain dream you can try to attain before reality sets in. Think 5 years ahead, think about getting a job after college, instead of just thinking about college."

watch out! here comes more and more stress

Why does the vietnamese new year celebration have to be on Valentines day this year? and why is it that exact weekend where my boyfriend has to go away on his trip. Timing for things in february just dont make sense. I've learned overtime that you just can't control things, no matter how hard you try... in the end you'd only be doing worse to yourself. Talk about stress though, next week i have my math placement exam to take...which pass/no pass .. will determine whether i get into Berkeley or not, not to mention their lovely 2nd update app. which includes another essay.. all due before january 31st.
Being a princess of any kind isn't easy let me tell you that now. Yes you develop a name for yourself, yes you meet new people, but also.. yes people start to notice you, and start to examine your personal life like microorganisms.... you get fans, you get stalkers, me-not so much thanks to the fact that i have a sweet boyfriend to show in my pictures. ..but its all sadly true. Your personal life kind of has to step down from your spotlight, because more and more new responsibilities start coming at you. Don't get me wrong, i really enjoy these things, and am more than happy to have gotten a chance to well-be doing what i'm doing. =) However, times like right now make everything really tough.. my whole future in school pretty much depends on my last few weeks of january. Things are tough, i feel bad that i can't represent at different community events, but honestly i feel like the stress i'm currently feeling shows through, and i would hate for someone to see that through my smile. Underneath it all, i'd probably be thinking about re-editing my application and resume because its still not adequate >.< I see it in others when i look at them, so i know its true for most people.. that when they have something really important on their mind, it just shows. Hopefully i can get through this month smoothly. Just need to pass my placement exam, get into the new class i need, and turn in my updated application for Cal =) Then i can breathe <3

Donated $30 today to Haiti through American Red Cross :)
You can too!! I donated through texting =)

why do i eat so much sometimes haha

i've seriously developed a huge appetite lately, and i have no clue how or why. Who knows, could be another side effect of medicine again for all i know. I had a lot of KFC lol for lunch with the family, yes i eat :) and spent the rest of the afternoon at the mall, waiting for my appointment with the Apple tech guys to fix my iphone.
After 2 hours of boredom and good patience, i got the depressing news that well, i'm going to just need a new phone -_- apparently my phone had contact with water somehow and both sensors on the bottom and top of my iphone are ruined.... but i ended the day well with a bowl of Pho, lots of junk food sweets sadly, and the movie - The Ugly Truth =)

the birth of my blog!

Okay, I promise to my blog i suppose, to stay anonymous in my line of everyday posts. I promise to stay true to well me, and to be me :)
I also promise to try my best to keep this blog alive.

I realized earlier today that everything that has happened to me this year, has been more than memorable. I really don't want it to ever end. The people i've met, the friends i've made. The memories.

Also I've realized that so far my few months of a year in reign, yes as an anonymous pageant princess could pass me before i know it. Therefore, i'm going to start this blog to just remember all the good times, bad times, sad times, and well... crazy times.
I usually keep my memories safe through pictures, but for once i'm going to try it with words as well, to also kind of help my writing skills out a bit :)

Hello and hope you enjoy the little pieces of my world!