I feel a little inspired =)

When you think about it, life is really too short.. so LIVE it all up! Explore different cultures all around the world that will open your eyes to new things. One thing you can control: be aware of how you judge things and people-it can keep you from experiencing things for yourself. Never truly accept things to be the ultimate truth, question ideas. Make mistakes, its how we're meant to learn, through our experiences. Define happiness on your own terms. Balance your life, don't get so caught up in one thing that you forget what else is around you. Take chances and never live with regret, instead-slowly learn to look at things with different perspectives. In order to continue to succeed and grow, one must always be both a teacher and a student. Live life without ever asking "what if?"

These are all things i've learned from the people i've met, people who have inspired me. You can read about the world, read about life, but it will never compare to really going out and experiencing things for yourself.

Haven't met you yet

I like this semi-anonymous journal... when i feel down, i write it down, get things out and surprisingly i feel a little better. Its what you get when you don't have a best friend anymore i guess.
I cried because and over someone again today, the first time in a few months of dry eyes. But its okay, its only natural to feel down... but since i touched the lowest low during those times, i knew after awhile that the other other way i could feel/place left to go was up.
As for my charming dream man, one day you'll surprise me, out of the blue. & you'll already understand that no ones perfect, and hopefully that'll be one of the reasons you'll love me for. My flaws and imperfections. Because theres quiteee a few.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1AJmKkU5POA&ob=av2e

3 simple rules

Three simple rules in life:

1. If you do not GO after what you want, you’ll never have it.
2. If you do not ASK, the answer is always NO.
3. If you do not step forward, you’ll always be in the same place.

Whats life without good people?

boring and empty? I'd think so.
Whats life in a bubble?
boring and empty.
In these past few weeks, i've gotten the chance of a lifetime to travel to Vietnam for the 2010 Miss Vietnam World pageant. Lets say this year, my eyes have continued to open out further and further. It was an honor to be selected to represent the U.S. this year, and i have to admit it was an even bigger honor to meet all of the contestants from all around the world. Of course with everything there was drama and gossip that made the experience drop down a bit but for the most part, i feel like i learned a lot from this trip... this adventure.
This was my 2nd time in Vietnam,i can honestly say my experience was unlike anything i had expected. Yes there were times when i could barely stand anonymous things.. yet every moment was still refreshing. I learned more about myself by really living through things... making mistakes and adjusting myself to be a better person. I'm not perfect, i'm a human being; sometimes i talk a lot or ramble on things i wish i never mentioned, sometimes i'm a bit stubborn... but i'm working on it. Apart from a few of my flaws i discovered something i may possibly want to devote my ultimate life towards... truly making a difference in peoples' lives. Yes everyone says they want to help others but do they really "walk the walk" ?
Some say pageants change people, my first one did. But now i've been exposed to more truths of this world, i've experienced the good and the bad to a point where i feel like i can't do this anymore. I can't be ideal and perfect all the time, sometimes i slouch a little, sometimes i'm a little clumsy. I guess what i'm saying is now.. i'm okay with it. I'm going to take in everything i've learned from my 2nd pageant and re-shape myself, re-shape myself into ...me, an even deeper and more comfortable sense of me. You can do anything you set your mind too, even if your foot becomes swollen like a huge potato.

The point of this post was to just let everything out. I'd be nowhere without the amazing people i've met this year. My life would never be the same without them, thank you. You've helped me open my eyes, and see more of life for what it really is.. beautiful. & even though in some places lurk shadows of negativity.. the sun always comes up the next day, there will always be hope.
Note to myself: Yes you're picky with things, but stop trying to control things in your life that just can't be tamed, stop trying to be perfect because it seems like people will still love you even if you're not perfect. Stop trying to please every single person in your life, its too difficult sometimes, just live life. & never ever stop helping people; always live in the moment.

"It’ll be worth it..

...to be with someone who knows your worth.

But seriously, save your heart for someone who’s worth dying for."

He put a bit smile on my face =)

"Victoria, you are wise years beyond your actual age." -007

August 2009, August 2010

I'm so blessed to know someone like Miae.
When things get really tough, when i'm being tugged at on all sides, its always warming, comforting to know i'm still making a difference to at least someone's life. Making someone admire me for me. This year has changed my life.

I am certainly not the person i was in August 2009. For that, i am thankful for everyone i have met, everyone who has helped me learn more about myself, helped me grow into a strong person who can stand up for herself and represent the image of good, of inspiration. I try to be that person, yet i know i have had to sacrifice parts of me from my past-i feel as though i've grown for the better. I know more now, theres so much out there-so much that ONE person can do. So much that i know i can do. I want to be someone others can look up towards, i want to be a symbol for strong women in the field of education, field of work, and life as a whole.

To be this.. i need to keep my mind free and heart open to continuously learn more from everyone who enters my life, entering in my hopes-to stay. There are things that may be out of your control from time to time, yet there are the most important things, the most important people-that you can keep close to you. They are the people you call family, and the people you hold dear to your heart as your close friends.. the people who respect and understand your growth.. not ones who may deny your right to grow.

"No person is your friend who demands your silence, or denies your right to grow"
- Alice Walker

I don't know what i'm saying anymore, but sometimes i feel empty and full at the same time. Full in that my time and efforts are being put into good use that is above myself. Empty in that sometimes loneliness creeps in.

NOW PLAYING: Paramore - The Only Exception

She can make me cry by the things she says

Victoria is sublime, timeless true " Beauty " and her beautifulness is so genuine and it is truly generated from deep with in and from the place of her heart,
Her beauty will only increase with time !
I am always delighted to see her on the stage when she is most captivating and dazzling and to catch her genuine, beautiful, demeur and s...weetest smile upon her lovely face.
I am forever her admirer for always...
♥♥ With Much Love and Admiration ♥

My words and admiration are also sincere and from my ♥ !
Truly you are a rare jewel and I look forward to seeing you grow into even much greater " Beauty " and all the wondering things you will do with your life.
You are a true joy and blessi...ng !
Will keep my fingers crossed and will be cheering for you as always.

I will see you at the Miss Asia Pageant !
♥ always also ~

I'm so excited i can't sleep!!

I am soooo excited that i can't contain it!!!
Today i received a wonderful message from the amazing designer Cory Couture asking me if i was interested in doing the 2010 Miss Vietnam World. After talking for a bit, and later talking to the manager Jody, and having a wonderful dinner at Straits (YUM!) i'm officially a final contestant for the pageant!!! It will be held in "Nha Trang" Vietnam on August 21st 2010. :D Vietnam here i come!!

pick-up line?

"if you were a booger, id' pick you first! ;) "

..LOL a guy from Australia actually really used that on me today xD
I'm.. flattered haha

OMGOSH! Its things like this that warm my heart :)

"Hi,
I know this is VERY random because you don't know me, but I just want to say that you've been a great inspiration to Asian American girls out there like me. You're very talented and smart. Keep up the good work!

All the best,

Jas"

Thank you Jasmin <3

Just haven't met you yet

I think my Prince Charming lost his horse and is looking for his horse instead the missing piece to his heart!! C'mon Prince Charming, i'm watching out for you.

Prince Charming i'll admit is even harder than i thought =/ theres been a few lately that may dress like him but really i've learned are just taking advantage of going out/dating a... you can fill in the blank. *sigh* =/

Prince Charming

I think my prince charming lost his horse somehow and is searching for him instead. I’ve got a few words for you, prince charming: hurry up, you’re taking too long!!

I am one of the searchers...

There are, i believe, millions of us. We are not unhappy, but neither are we really content. We continue to explore life, hoping to uncover its ultimate secret. We continue to explore ourselves, hoping to understand. We like to walk along the beach; we are drawn by the ocean, taken by its power, its unceasing motion, its mystery and unspeakable beauty. We like forests and mountains, deserts and hidden rivers, and the lonely cities as well. Our sadness is as much a part of our lives as is our laughter. To share our sadness with one we love is perhaps as great a joy as we can know--unless it be to share our laughter.

We searchers are ambitious only for life itself, for everything beautiful it can provide. Most of all we love and want to be loved. We want to live in a relationship that will not impede our wandering, nor prevent our search, not lock us in prison walls; that will take us for what little we have to give. We do not want to prove ourselves to another or compete for love.

I wish you missed me the way I miss you.

…the way I can’t stop thinking about you for the life of me, no matter how hard I try or how busy I keep myself; the way every song reminds me of you; the way everywhere I go makes me wish you were there with me; the way I brag about you to everyone I know; the way I’m always wondering what you’re doing and if you’re thinking of me too; the way I sound completely ridiculous right now for missing you this much, but know deep down every bit of it is true.

green peace

This is ridiculous, but Exxon mobil has been sponsoring so many people all over the world to create doubt in people's mind about climate change. What Exxon is trying to do is so unbelievable.

My hopeful last step to becoming a Golden Bear :)

My friends are the people who have known me so long, they like me for me, and I appreciate them for their qualities. I would describe my friends as people I love. My friends describe me as someone who has grown a lot within the past year. I do not shy away by never taking chances. My friends think I’m confident; I would like to say I agree with this entirely but I know it’s not completely true. I have become self-assured now, but I wasn’t always. My friends do not see that my confidence is grounded in a fair amount of insecurity. However, I am aware of my insecurities-I don’t ignore them; therefore I know I’m strong enough to overcome them. Even though they will always be there to nag me from time to time, I don’t let them bring me down.

My confidence is something I will always have to work on. I will always be battling different insecurities such as physical appearance or the hesitation to try something new. However these are certain human qualities I know I can never deny or hide because they're the truth. I understand now that people see me as someone who’s confident because I accept and address my flaws. Human flaws beget human experience, for in order to learn-we have to accept that fact that we will make mistakes. With that, I feel like there’s strength in knowing my weakness. That knowledge allows me to work harder to accomplish my goals, and through that I become more and more confident in all the things I do.

My friends also think I’m focused, relentless, that I underestimate myself, but am uniquely driven by passion. I do agree with this because I think these traits make up a large part of who I am. I’m always persevering to accomplish things in my life. It is true to an extent that I underestimate myself because I know I judge myself to a higher degree of standard than anyone else-only because I want to give and do my best.

Although I am often frustrated by the fact that I cannot please everyone, I'm strong enough to admit that and it drives me to work hard. I care about the people and things in my life, and when I do something, I do it with my heart - passion is my fuel. The simple fact that I care and want to make a difference has instilled in me the will to never give up on anything I set out to do. I know I have a lot to give, a lot of love to share, influence to spread, and knowledge to gain. Over time, as I continue to work on my confidence, I know that my passion for life will lead me to great lengths.

i want to feel loved

..maybe even appreciated more. Do you ever feel like you try and say something but its not coming through? Because i hate that i hate it so much. Sometimes i just wish i got a little more consideration, just a little.. not even asking for half of the consideration i used to get.

Is this really me, or is this another one of those oh so fun mood side effects >.< ..probably is actually. But all i know is that i feel like i'm doing more than whats simply expected. I can barely stand this, its not fair, and i'm not happy right now kind of more in tears and im losing faith in things i used to believe in. I dont make sense, but at least i can pour some of my thoughts out on here.

I also hate my chubby cheeks right now. really really bad.
k i'm dont venting a bit.

I dont feel so great

How come and why does one little thing have the ability to change everything. you get sick once, and then BAM! sparks one thing and then the next. and even now, its not all over =/
what happened to the girl who used to live at the theatre
what happened to the girl who never had to worry about being allergic to stupid makeup product

i really dont know where i'm going in life.
but i know what i want. what i want is to experience things, see things, feel things. I want to go back and see the past through architecture and art, i want to go back to Europe. i want to spend a whole summer in France and Italy.
I want to dare to jump from a helicopter and straight into the clear Caribbean sea.
I know what it feels like to be in love for the first time.
I want to be someone in life. I have a life list still waiting to be shared and finished, just need to make sure i've got someone who's going to be up for the ride.

some words of wisdom

"Love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking together in the same direction." Antoine de Saint-Exupery

maybe two is better than one

Maybe i don't say all the right things maybe i stumble on my words maybe i laugh at all the wrong times. Best I can do is to be myself and hope you'll always love me for me.

good modern classic movie:

Clueless. Okay okay don't even bring up any stereotypes and attach them to people who may enjoy a movie like this. I don't look at those things, even though the movie i will admit-was full of it. It literally made me LOL thats kind of rare these days for me and movies haha. I sometimes can smile and such but not full out laugh =)
Thats what i like about movies in general, the good ones-well they can change your mood, make you feel good about the world, yourself, what you have, feel inspired with life, inspired with things you can do to help others.. they can give you a glimpse of.. history (with a hollywood twist) or they can scare you, make you sit on the edge of your seat. ..most importantly though, movies take you into their reality, and make you forget about your own for those little 2 hours. Thats why i enjoy them, especially the ones that are most convincing--> a good cast that doesn't make me question the actor(s)/actress(s).. i can just accept them as their own characters, because they do it so well. Anyways i should be sleeping, but i do love movies. Especially ones that make you feel good =)

its getting closer and closer!!

My notebook has finally filled up! ... and believe it or not-with math notes! I'm currently near the end of chapter 9, 9 out of 11 chapters of the book. I reallyyyyy need a lot of good lucks to pass my placement test next week!! That test pretty much determines the rest of my life.. by that, it determines my chances of getting to Berkeley. That for me right now... pretty much is my future, and i really want to get into that school so bad... just because i feel like if i can accomplish something like that, then everything i've done was worth it. Of course i will never ever regret transferring home from UCI but i had worked my entire high school career to get into a good college that'll get me somewhere in life. Now i feel like i'm doing it again. This time around though, i've realized the reality of things, that yes passion is a great thing to pursue but maybe not for a career, unless for me i have an uncle somewhere out there thats best friends with Nicole Kidman or James Cameron-the director of awesome movies like Titanic. I sadly don't have an uncle like that, so reality set in. This time around with Berkeley, i'm not going in for drama but for business... i know i can feel confident about getting a job with a degree from Berkeley, and i know i'll definitely learn everything i'd need to be successful on their terms, and of course-my own. So come on fate!! Help me become a golden bear!! <3

some words of wisdom

"There is only a certain dream you can try to attain before reality sets in. Think 5 years ahead, think about getting a job after college, instead of just thinking about college."

watch out! here comes more and more stress

Why does the vietnamese new year celebration have to be on Valentines day this year? and why is it that exact weekend where my boyfriend has to go away on his trip. Timing for things in february just dont make sense. I've learned overtime that you just can't control things, no matter how hard you try... in the end you'd only be doing worse to yourself. Talk about stress though, next week i have my math placement exam to take...which pass/no pass .. will determine whether i get into Berkeley or not, not to mention their lovely 2nd update app. which includes another essay.. all due before january 31st.
Being a princess of any kind isn't easy let me tell you that now. Yes you develop a name for yourself, yes you meet new people, but also.. yes people start to notice you, and start to examine your personal life like microorganisms.... you get fans, you get stalkers, me-not so much thanks to the fact that i have a sweet boyfriend to show in my pictures. ..but its all sadly true. Your personal life kind of has to step down from your spotlight, because more and more new responsibilities start coming at you. Don't get me wrong, i really enjoy these things, and am more than happy to have gotten a chance to well-be doing what i'm doing. =) However, times like right now make everything really tough.. my whole future in school pretty much depends on my last few weeks of january. Things are tough, i feel bad that i can't represent at different community events, but honestly i feel like the stress i'm currently feeling shows through, and i would hate for someone to see that through my smile. Underneath it all, i'd probably be thinking about re-editing my application and resume because its still not adequate >.< I see it in others when i look at them, so i know its true for most people.. that when they have something really important on their mind, it just shows. Hopefully i can get through this month smoothly. Just need to pass my placement exam, get into the new class i need, and turn in my updated application for Cal =) Then i can breathe <3

Donated $30 today to Haiti through American Red Cross :)
You can too!! I donated through texting =)

why do i eat so much sometimes haha

i've seriously developed a huge appetite lately, and i have no clue how or why. Who knows, could be another side effect of medicine again for all i know. I had a lot of KFC lol for lunch with the family, yes i eat :) and spent the rest of the afternoon at the mall, waiting for my appointment with the Apple tech guys to fix my iphone.
After 2 hours of boredom and good patience, i got the depressing news that well, i'm going to just need a new phone -_- apparently my phone had contact with water somehow and both sensors on the bottom and top of my iphone are ruined.... but i ended the day well with a bowl of Pho, lots of junk food sweets sadly, and the movie - The Ugly Truth =)

the birth of my blog!

Okay, I promise to my blog i suppose, to stay anonymous in my line of everyday posts. I promise to stay true to well me, and to be me :)
I also promise to try my best to keep this blog alive.

I realized earlier today that everything that has happened to me this year, has been more than memorable. I really don't want it to ever end. The people i've met, the friends i've made. The memories.

Also I've realized that so far my few months of a year in reign, yes as an anonymous pageant princess could pass me before i know it. Therefore, i'm going to start this blog to just remember all the good times, bad times, sad times, and well... crazy times.
I usually keep my memories safe through pictures, but for once i'm going to try it with words as well, to also kind of help my writing skills out a bit :)

Hello and hope you enjoy the little pieces of my world!